HOW TO COOK A ₦500 SOUP

Wouldn’t it be nice to hallucinate that soup cooking with ₦500 is a no brainer?

Yes, it would – it would mean I’m the best home maker there is or that I took my home management classes in secondary school seriously or that the Incredible Burt Wonderstone holds no candle to my genius in magic.

But that isn’t the case folks. Truth be told, the smaller the amount of money, the more brain waves you have to use and sometimes, even that isn’t enough.

First off – there’s the kind of soup to go with. The problem is, even with the ridiculous amount of ₦500, we still want to have a palatable soup that will last for days. Impossible, since this isn’t the era of Christ and food miracles; so the cheapest soup for me would be okro, feeding one person, two at most.

Second, will it need plenty or no palm oil, and what road stops (i.e beef, fish etc) will be needed? With ₦500 that’s not happening, except one goes for kpomo (cow skin), one can get those even for ₦50 (in 2012, when we had no inkling of Buhari’s coming).

Now though, there’s a fair piece for ₦100, which would barely garnish a ₦100 heap of okro. FYI, I won’t be purchasing palm oil for this soup.

Third, I’m left with ₦300, so I snag a pack of ₦50 crayfish, ₦20 Cameroun pepper, and ₦20 seasoning cube. If I’m feeling adventurous, I’ll snatch up a pack of ₦50 removed perewinkle and be left with ₦160.

Hopefully, there’s salt at home and kerosene in the stove else I’ll be hunting for dried twigs and playing camp at the back of my house.

Ah ha! With ₦160, I debate on the redeeming qualities of either fufu or garri. Fufu is perfect with okro soup, it’s smooth swallow all day, but then I’m experienced with the unsatisfying nature of okro soup (I’ve no idea if this just happens to me, but I always get hungry a little while after an okro soup meal); so garri gets the Oscar awards…when after meal munchies occur, I’d still have some garri to soak and sip.

Viola, soup cooked with ₦500 as it is done by moi, at Uyo, Akwa Ibom State. Bon appetite…I think!

PS: This isn't really the soup o!👅👼

Emem Bassey

Comments

WAR: Second Free Chapter

2 SEIZURE The war started in her mind first. Laika took count of the soldiers on board the warship. As a single female prisoner, she got only five escorts, one ship steerer and the captain who was so fat he could barely fit in the door to his cabin; she counted six in all, as she couldn’t regard the captain as hostile. She took stock of weapons at her disposal and for the first time, the clogging stench of the crocodile filled muddy water was her strongest ally. It was a stench so vile that one would regard the smell of a dead rat in a damp, stuffy house as potpourri. She noticed that the armed guard beside her started twitching his nose as the ship made its torturous way through the college of crocodiles and possibly decayed bodies thrown into the marsh for as long as Marshland existed; bodies that the crocodiles apparently refused to devour, so pieces of human body parts floated around stinking up the place. The stench was her distraction. Then she had to find a way...

Movie Review: God Calling...

BB Sasore, thank you for this movie. I have no idea if you experienced this movie or someone else did, but, I am convinced this movie couldn't have been someone's muse - this was real life experience! Ladies and gentlemen, if you haven't seen God Calling, you absolutely should. This movie has a star studded cast, amazing directing, apt graphics that just blow your mind and great acting that depicts reality to a zing. God Calling is about a family, man, wife and a daughter. They are happy, but wife doesn't like God or religion. It shows when she is forced to go to church by her little daughter and the pastor stops mid preaching to tell her 'God is calling you'. She scoffs it off and tells her husband that the pastor is looking for money. From thence, her life spirals out of control and brings her to a point she wants to kill herself... I cried and screamed during this movie, mostly because I've experienced something like it. Everyone needs to s...

EATING HEALTHY IN UYO: The Parfait Discovery

First off, happy new year, y'all! It's been a wild while. I know it's almost the end of January, but hey, this is Nigeria, right? Lol! So, a while back, like five couple of months, eating healthy in Uyo, Akwa Ibom State was a bore. Plus it was reducing the weight of our purses instead of our belly and bumbum. Anyhoo, take a look at the innocent cup below... Innocent and exotic looking. This here cup goes for N1500 at 19, Uruan street - Freshblesyns Fruit Juice Bar. It was innocent until I took the first scoop. Hmmmmmm! Sweet, blessed sweetness! I could practically see my flat stomach behind my eyelids. The crunch, the melt, the juicy, the sour, the sweet, all mixed to encourage a foodgasm! I made love to the rest of that innocent looking cup. When I was done, it looked ravished and experienced. If you're in Uyo, go here and eat healthy without grimacing. My gift to you. 😘😘😘 Ciao!

FAB Range

Search This Blog