HOW TO COOK A ₦500 SOUP

Wouldn’t it be nice to hallucinate that soup cooking with ₦500 is a no brainer?

Yes, it would – it would mean I’m the best home maker there is or that I took my home management classes in secondary school seriously or that the Incredible Burt Wonderstone holds no candle to my genius in magic.

But that isn’t the case folks. Truth be told, the smaller the amount of money, the more brain waves you have to use and sometimes, even that isn’t enough.

First off – there’s the kind of soup to go with. The problem is, even with the ridiculous amount of ₦500, we still want to have a palatable soup that will last for days. Impossible, since this isn’t the era of Christ and food miracles; so the cheapest soup for me would be okro, feeding one person, two at most.

Second, will it need plenty or no palm oil, and what road stops (i.e beef, fish etc) will be needed? With ₦500 that’s not happening, except one goes for kpomo (cow skin), one can get those even for ₦50 (in 2012, when we had no inkling of Buhari’s coming).

Now though, there’s a fair piece for ₦100, which would barely garnish a ₦100 heap of okro. FYI, I won’t be purchasing palm oil for this soup.

Third, I’m left with ₦300, so I snag a pack of ₦50 crayfish, ₦20 Cameroun pepper, and ₦20 seasoning cube. If I’m feeling adventurous, I’ll snatch up a pack of ₦50 removed perewinkle and be left with ₦160.

Hopefully, there’s salt at home and kerosene in the stove else I’ll be hunting for dried twigs and playing camp at the back of my house.

Ah ha! With ₦160, I debate on the redeeming qualities of either fufu or garri. Fufu is perfect with okro soup, it’s smooth swallow all day, but then I’m experienced with the unsatisfying nature of okro soup (I’ve no idea if this just happens to me, but I always get hungry a little while after an okro soup meal); so garri gets the Oscar awards…when after meal munchies occur, I’d still have some garri to soak and sip.

Viola, soup cooked with ₦500 as it is done by moi, at Uyo, Akwa Ibom State. Bon appetite…I think!

PS: This isn't really the soup o!👅👼

Emem Bassey

Comments

WAR: Third Free Chapter

3 EVACUATION She stood on the deck of the ship as it slowly berthed at the walls of Marshland. A rope was let down from the parapet as opposed to the walkway, only let down when resources had to be transferred from the ship into Marshland. Laika had undressed the soldiers, even the guy in the control room, which she had tied up on his chair in only his under shorts. She had parked up all the uniforms and boots in a large duffel. She heaved it over her shoulder and began climbing the ladder with the conviction of meeting Zuka at the top. She wanted to grin when she saw that she’d been right but Zuka immediately looked down her cloths, questions shone in his eyes. “War. Cameroon is bombing this place in the morning and Nigeria isn’t going to do anything,” Laika explained urgently, dropping the duffel at his feet. “What…?” “I commandeered the ship, we have less than an hour to evacuate everybody before the soldiers at the wall suspect foul play.” “But, Laika…” “Hey...

Movie Review: God Calling...

BB Sasore, thank you for this movie. I have no idea if you experienced this movie or someone else did, but, I am convinced this movie couldn't have been someone's muse - this was real life experience! Ladies and gentlemen, if you haven't seen God Calling, you absolutely should. This movie has a star studded cast, amazing directing, apt graphics that just blow your mind and great acting that depicts reality to a zing. God Calling is about a family, man, wife and a daughter. They are happy, but wife doesn't like God or religion. It shows when she is forced to go to church by her little daughter and the pastor stops mid preaching to tell her 'God is calling you'. She scoffs it off and tells her husband that the pastor is looking for money. From thence, her life spirals out of control and brings her to a point she wants to kill herself... I cried and screamed during this movie, mostly because I've experienced something like it. Everyone needs to s...

Saturday Special...

Beedo Sauce We had to make up a name for this one, so we landed at Beedo Sauce. Even our in-house chef and food scientist (since he's always experimenting) is yet to know the name of his creation. It could have been Beef-Dodo, like it's gizzard contemporary is called Gizz-dodo, but hey, where's the fun in that? Beedo Sauce sounds more exotic and well, it suits Saturday Special; it would make a delicious surprise to that special someone or persons you might be hosting this weekend. HOW TO MAKE IT As little as 2,000 naira can get you this beauty, it could be more or less, depending on the number of guests. Ingredients Beef Ripe plantain (preferably soft ones) Onions Garlic Ginger Seasoning (he used Mom's Pride Beef super seasoning) Curry Thyme Fresh Pepper 🌶 Fresh tomatoes Fresh tatashe (optional) Vegetable oil Salt Beef stock And you're ready to rumble!...

FAB Range

Search This Blog