HOW TO COOK A ₦500 SOUP

Wouldn’t it be nice to hallucinate that soup cooking with ₦500 is a no brainer?

Yes, it would – it would mean I’m the best home maker there is or that I took my home management classes in secondary school seriously or that the Incredible Burt Wonderstone holds no candle to my genius in magic.

But that isn’t the case folks. Truth be told, the smaller the amount of money, the more brain waves you have to use and sometimes, even that isn’t enough.

First off – there’s the kind of soup to go with. The problem is, even with the ridiculous amount of ₦500, we still want to have a palatable soup that will last for days. Impossible, since this isn’t the era of Christ and food miracles; so the cheapest soup for me would be okro, feeding one person, two at most.

Second, will it need plenty or no palm oil, and what road stops (i.e beef, fish etc) will be needed? With ₦500 that’s not happening, except one goes for kpomo (cow skin), one can get those even for ₦50 (in 2012, when we had no inkling of Buhari’s coming).

Now though, there’s a fair piece for ₦100, which would barely garnish a ₦100 heap of okro. FYI, I won’t be purchasing palm oil for this soup.

Third, I’m left with ₦300, so I snag a pack of ₦50 crayfish, ₦20 Cameroun pepper, and ₦20 seasoning cube. If I’m feeling adventurous, I’ll snatch up a pack of ₦50 removed perewinkle and be left with ₦160.

Hopefully, there’s salt at home and kerosene in the stove else I’ll be hunting for dried twigs and playing camp at the back of my house.

Ah ha! With ₦160, I debate on the redeeming qualities of either fufu or garri. Fufu is perfect with okro soup, it’s smooth swallow all day, but then I’m experienced with the unsatisfying nature of okro soup (I’ve no idea if this just happens to me, but I always get hungry a little while after an okro soup meal); so garri gets the Oscar awards…when after meal munchies occur, I’d still have some garri to soak and sip.

Viola, soup cooked with ₦500 as it is done by moi, at Uyo, Akwa Ibom State. Bon appetite…I think!

PS: This isn't really the soup o!👅👼

Emem Bassey

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